This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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