I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
