i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
