I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
