I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
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