Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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