Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
