OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I understand Curling. That high.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
