OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
