so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
