Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
