Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
