She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
