It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
