I'm going to jail i love you
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
