Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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