I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
