I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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