i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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