the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
