Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
