She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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