so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
