My first STD was from a foam party
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
