he puts the penis in happiness.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
