i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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