bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
