My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
