The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
