Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
