i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
