he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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