I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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