My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
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So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
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This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!