I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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