I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
