just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize