so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
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Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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