She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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