He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
