She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
