If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
