Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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