I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
