I think my fart just growled at me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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