I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
