i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
