look no pants
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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