your room smells of hookers.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love