New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in