I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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