If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize