I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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