shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
