we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
