If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
