just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
