in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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