every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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