you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
