I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
