I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
