she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
