I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
