filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
