My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
